200 Days Sober: The Life I Was Always Meant to Live

 

On February 5th, 2026, I quietly crossed a line that changed everything.

Two hundred days sober.

No countdown clock.
No fireworks.
No dramatic announcement.

Just me… waking up in my own body, in my own mind, in a life that finally feels like mine.

Two hundred days without numbing myself.
Two hundred days without running from my feelings.
Two hundred days of choosing presence over escape.

And somehow, in that time, I didn’t just get sober…
I got reborn.

The Girl I Used to Be

For a long time, I thought I was just “getting by.”
I told myself I was strong. Independent. Handling life.

But the truth?
I was surviving, not living.

I didn’t know how to sit with my emotions. I didn’t know how to slow down. I didn’t know how to feel without needing something to soften the edges of reality. So I numbed. I distracted. I avoided. I stayed busy. I stayed loud. I stayed guarded.

On the outside, I looked okay.
On the inside, I was exhausted.

I wasn’t running toward anything.
I was running away from myself.

What Sobriety Really Gave Me

People think sobriety is about what you give up.
Alcohol. Substances. Old habits.

But what no one tells you is what you gain:

Clarity.
Peace.
Boundaries.
Self-trust.
Emotional depth.
A real relationship with yourself.

I didn’t just stop drinking.
I started listening.

Listening to my thoughts.
My triggers.
My patterns.
My pain.
My truth.

And that’s when everything began to change.

Relearning Who I Am

One of the hardest parts of sobriety is realizing you don’t actually know yourself yet.

When you’ve been numbing for years, your personality gets buried under coping mechanisms. So when the noise stops… you meet yourself for the first time.

And let me tell you — she’s strong.
She’s intuitive.
She’s sensitive in the best way.
She’s creative.
She’s emotional.
She’s grounded.
She’s learning how to love deeply without losing herself.

I had to relearn:
• What calms me
• What triggers me
• What drains me
• What fulfills me
• What kind of love I deserve
• What kind of life I actually want

Sobriety didn’t make life easier.
It made me honest.

Facing Triggers Instead of Escaping Them

Triggers didn’t go away when I got sober.
They got louder.

Loneliness.
Stress.
Fear.
Rejection.
Old memories.
Uncomfortable emotions.

But instead of drowning them out, I learned how to sit with them.

I learned how to pause.
Breathe.
Journal.
Pray.
Move my body.
Cry when I needed to.
Rest when I was overwhelmed.

I learned that urges pass.
Emotions pass.
Storms pass.

And every time I stayed instead of escaping…
I became stronger.

The Relationships That Healed

Sobriety doesn’t just change you.
It changes the way you show up in every relationship.

I stopped reacting.
I started responding.

I stopped needing validation.
I started offering presence.

I stopped running from hard conversations.
I started leaning into them.

Friendships that once felt broken… began to mend.
Conversations became honest.
Boundaries became respected.
Trust began rebuilding.

And the biggest relationship that healed?

The one with myself.

I forgave the girl I used to be.
I honored the woman I’m becoming.

Learning to Love Without Losing Myself

Before sobriety, I loved from a wounded place.
I loved to be chosen.
To be needed.
To be validated.

Now, I love from wholeness.

I don’t abandon myself anymore.
I don’t shrink.
I don’t overexplain.

I show up as me — grounded, clear, emotionally available, and strong in my worth.

And that kind of love changes everything.

The Life I Always Dreamed Of

Somewhere deep down, I always knew this life existed.

A life where:
• I wake up proud of myself
• My mind is clear
• My heart feels safe
• My spirit feels aligned
• My future feels bright

But I couldn’t reach it while I was numbing myself.

I had to stop escaping in order to start becoming.

And that’s exactly what these 200 days have done.

And Then… God Gave Me a Miracle

As if sobriety itself wasn’t already a miracle…

Life gave me something even bigger.

I was blessed with becoming pregnant.
And now… I’m carrying my first child.

A life growing inside of me.
A future resting in my hands.
A reason bigger than fear.

This baby isn’t coming into chaos.
This baby is coming into clarity.

Into a mother who is present.
Emotionally awake.
Spiritually grounded.
And deeply, deeply grateful.

The Woman I Am Becoming

Two hundred days ago, I chose myself.

I chose healing.
I chose honesty.
I chose courage.
I chose to stop numbing… and start living.

And now, I stand here more than blessed.
More than grateful.
More than ready.

This is the life I always dreamed of.
And it started the moment I decided to face myself instead of running from her.

Here’s to growth.
Here’s to healing.
Here’s to motherhood.
Here’s to the future.

And here’s to the woman I am becoming. 🌹⛓💥