🌹 My First Encounter With Alcohol: The Beginning of Numb

I still remember the first time I drank.

I was young – too young to really understand what I was doing, but old enough to feel everything I was trying to escape.

I didn’t drink because it tasted good. Hell, it burned going down. I drank because I wanted to feel something different. Or maybe… I wanted to feel nothing at all.

The first time was at 15, at a friends birthday party. Everyone around me was laughing, drinking, pretending life was good. Also, way too young to be doing this. I looked at their glasses, bottles and cans and wondered if what was in there made them forget the heaviness in their eyes. The tiredness in their hearts. The pain they never spoke about.

So I took a sip.

It felt like rebellion and relief at the same time. For a moment, the world blurred. The noise in my head quieted. The anger in my chest loosened. The insecurities I carried didn’t scream so loud. It was the beginning of what I thought was freedom – but it was really the start of another chain. The biggest and hardest chain I would ever have to break.

I fell asleep on their couch that night and woke up with a sway like I was on a boat. Not the best feeling in the world when you want to just get up and go home.  

Alcohol became a quick escape. A silent friend. A false bravery. But behind every sip was the same brokenness I tried to hide. And the truth is, no matter how much you drink, reality waits for you when the buzz fades. Once back to reality its just another day to get through. 

Looking back now, I realize that first drink wasn’t about alcohol at all. It was about pain management. It was about wanting to numb what I didn’t know how to heal. It was about survival. It was about being lost.

But survival isn’t freedom at all.

Freedom is feeling it all, sitting with that feeling and choosing to keep going. Freedom is facing the pain instead of numbing it. Freedom is knowing you don’t need to drown your darkness to prove your light.

This is just the start of my story. There are many chapters, some darker than others. But each part has taught me this:

Mindset over everything. Real. Raw. Resilient.

If you’ve ever tried to drink away the pain, just know – I see you. And there’s a better way. One day, you’ll realize your pain wasn’t here to break you. It was here to build you.

🖤 REFLECT & RISE

•  When was the first time you drank or used something to numb pain?
•  What were you really trying to escape from in that moment?
•  How has your relationship with alcohol or numbing changed since then?
•  What would it look like to face your pain instead of running from it?

🌹 Your truth is powerful. Speaking it is the first step to breaking its chains

Until next time, 

🌹 Rose Unchained