When You Fall But Refuse To Stay Down: Coping With Relapse

This past Saturday, I relapsed. I wasn’t planning on it. I didn’t wake up that morning thinking, “Today’s the day I throw away all the progress I’ve made.” But that’s the thing about healing and sobriety – it’s never as simple as just deciding to stay clean. Sometimes it’s deciding again after you’ve already messed up.

When I woke up the next day, the shame was heavy. That deep, sinking feeling in my chest telling me I failed. Telling me I was worthless. Telling me I should just give up because clearly, I’m not strong enough.

But as I sat there feeling everything I tried to numb, another voice came through – quieter, but stronger.

It said:

You’re human. You fell, but you don’t have to stay down.

Because the truth is, relapse doesn’t erase your progress. It doesn’t erase the days you said no. It doesn’t erase the battles you’ve already fought and won. It just means you slipped. And what matters most isn’t that you fell – it’s that you stand back up.

I know there are people reading this who have relapsed recently, or maybe you’re in the middle of one right now. Maybe you’re reading this with tears in your eyes thinking, “I can’t do this again.” And I want you to know this:

Yes, you can.

Here are ways I’m coping with my relapse this week, and ways I hope can help you too:

1. Feel It All – Don’t Numb It Again

The first thing I did was let myself feel everything. The shame. The disappointment. The anger at myself. The sadness of starting over. Because every time I try to shove those feelings down and pretend I’m okay, I end up trying to find another escape.

Feelings are heavy, but they’re lighter when we let them out instead of carrying them alone.

2. Remind Yourself This Is A Slip, Not A Full Return

One night. One weekend. One moment of weakness does not erase everything you’ve built. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “Well, I already messed up, might as well keep going.” But you don’t have to keep digging yourself deeper just because you fell back in.

You can choose to climb out right now. Today.

3. Identify What Triggered You

For me, I realized I was feeling overwhelmed with life lately. The pressure. The uncertainty. The loneliness. The desire to just turn my mind off for a while. My relapse wasn’t random – it was a reaction to feelings I didn’t know how to deal with and just wanted to avoid all together.

Ask yourself:

What was I feeling before I reached for that drink (or drug, or behavior)?

What did I hope it would make me feel instead?

How can I give myself what I really needed in a healthier way next time?

Self-awareness is painful but powerful. It teaches you how to fight differently next time.

4. Talk To Someone You Trust

I used to keep my relapses a secret. I’d tell myself no one needed to know because it was my battle. But hiding it kept me chained in shame.

This time, I reached out to someone close to me and said, “I messed up. I’m disappointed in myself. But I’m not giving up.”

Speaking it out loud took some of its power over me. It reminded me I’m not alone, even though my mind tried to convince me I was.

5. Rewrite The Story You’re Telling Yourself

Relapse will make you tell yourself some ugly lies:

“You’re a failure.”

“You’ll never change.”

“You’re weak.”

But the truth is:

You’re human.

You slipped.

You’re still learning.

And every time you stand back up, you get stronger.

Change the narrative from I failed to I fell, but I got back up. That’s the real flex.

6. Take Care Of Your Body Today

After my relapse, my body felt like hell. My energy was low, my stomach was off, my mind was foggy, I did not eat all day. So today, I drank tons of water. Ate healthy food. Went for a short walk in the sun. Journaled. Rested.

When your mind feels heavy with shame, listening to your body can ground you. Small acts of care remind you that you’re worth taking care of – even when you don’t feel like it.

7. Recommit, One Day At A Time

The idea of “starting over” feels overwhelming. Like you’re back at day one, erasing everything you’ve accomplished. But that’s not how healing works.

You’re not back at day one with no lessons learned. You’re at today, ready with even more wisdom than yesterday.

So don’t think about forever. Just think about today.

Stay sober today.

Choose differently today.

Be kind to yourself today.

That’s all you ever have to do.

8. Remember Why You Started

I asked myself this morning, “Why did I want to stay sober in the first place?” For me, it’s peace. Clarity. The ability to wake up and feel proud of myself. To be fully here for the people I love. To build the life I know I’m capable of without sabotaging it every time I get triggered.

What’s your why? Write it down. Keep it close. Let it anchor you back when you drift. I like to type it into my notes and read it every time I get an urge or feel triggered. 

9. Release The Shame

Shame keeps you stuck. It whispers that you’re broken, unworthy, a lost cause. But you’re none of those things. You’re someone trying to unlearn years of coping mechanisms. You’re someone fighting silent battles no one else can see. You’re someone who slipped but refuses to stay down.

That’s not shameful. That’s courageous as hell.

10. Speak Life Over Yourself

Today, I spoke these words out loud, and I hope you will too:

I am not my relapse.

I am not my mistakes.

I am learning.

I am growing.

I am stronger than I feel right now.

I will not give up on myself.

I will keep choosing me, no matter how many times I have to start again.

Relapse isn’t the end of your story. It’s just a page – a messy, painful page that proves you’re still in the fight. And as long as you’re still fighting, you’re still winning.

If you’ve fallen, I see you. If you feel broken, I feel you. But please, don’t stay down. We didn’t come this far to give up now.

Stand up. Recommit. Heal.

Your future self is already so proud of you for refusing to stay chained to this moment.

🌹✨ Stay unchained. Stay true. Stay rising.